Lexi, Baby Read online

Finally the pounding stopped.

  Then, the doorbell rang again… and again… and again… and again…

  NO-NO-NO! I screamed in my head. Ryan still hadn’t stopped though. “Ignore it,” he muttered angrily before pulling his hand away.

  He grabbed his erection, kissed me urgently and without warning, slammed inside me. The abrupt invasion hurt and I cried out in protest, but he didn’t stop moving.

  I kept quiet and squeezed my eyes shut. The pain went away, but it was too late; I lost it. No orgasm for me.

  “You’re so tight,” he muttered in a strained voice, but he powered on.

  Then, the doorbell rang again. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the damn doorbell ringer wasn’t located in this particular hallway, but it sounded like a fog horn. I didn’t care; I just wanted this over with.

  Ryan, finally noticing my loss of participation, shouted “Fuck” so loud, I jumped.

  I knew he was as frustrated as I was, but for different reasons. He pulled out of me, shot up to his feet and looked down at me with fury. He quickly took in his surroundings.

  “Get up,” he barked. I quickly pulled myself up and brought my knees to my chest. “I can’t believe I let this happen,” he continued angrily. He was quiet a moment before turning his face away from me. “There’s a robe in my bathroom, go put it on.” Then he turned and walked away.

  What the hell…?

  What did I do wrong? Why would he talk to me like that?

  Why can’t anything in my life just go the way it’s supposed to for once?

  He can’t believe he let this happen? Well, neither can I!

  My throat was closing up and I knew the tears were coming. Just great!

  I forced myself up and ran to his bathroom slamming the door and locking it behind me. I grabbed his robe and tied the belt painfully tight, sat down on the side of the tub and started bawling.

  I had no idea how long I sat there, but I was wishing I had my cell to call Trish to come pick me up when there was a knock at the door. “Lex, you in there?” He still sounded peeved.

  What a stupid question to ask Mr. Smarty-Pants! Where else would I be?

  I swiped at my cheeks and took a few deep breaths to help normalize my voice, “Yeah, give me just a sec.”

  “Okay. Come into the kitchen when you’re done, please.”

  At least the jerk had the decency to say please, I muttered to myself.

  Once I let everything sink in, my tears started falling faster. This was just more proof that Ryan and Landyn were nothing alike, only this time, I didn’t like the difference. I tried so hard not to compare them, and I did a fairly good job, but at times like this I couldn’t help myself.

  First, Landyn never would have taken me so forcefully; without any concern for me. Second, he would have killed whoever was at the front door and I was pretty certain Ryan didn’t since I hadn’t heard any screams for help. Third, if I locked myself in a bathroom because I was upset and crying, Landyn would have known I was upset and crying; we just had that connection.

  He also would have coerced me to open the door just so he could hold me. If he couldn’t coerce me, he’d probably break the door down.

  Lastly, Landyn never would have spoken to me as harshly as Ryan did while I was lying naked on the floor after giving myself to him.

  I had to get out of here. I hurried to pull myself together and went about wiping off the mascara running down my cheeks. I fanned myself to help the red splotchiness disappear quicker. When I was finally decent, I quietly walked out. I noticed my discarded pants in the hall so I picked them up and put them on. I could only button the top because the zipper was busted.

  When finished, I headed straight for the kitchen.

  Ryan was sitting on a bar stool with his elbows on the counter and his head in his hands. I didn’t move past the entryway. When I called out his name he looked up and surveyed my oddly clothed body; robe and jeans. When his eyes hit mine, his face was sad. Yeah, well so was I.

  “I’ll call Trish to come pick me up,” I said softly. I turned and walked over to pick up my bra and shirt and headed for the living room.

  Ryan never said a word.

  It was only when I finished dressing and sat on the couch to wait for Trish that it hit me… I wasn’t wearing my panties… oops! I guess Ryan will have a nice keepsake to remember me by. No sooner than I thought that, I felt Ryan walk in the room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him stand beside me, but I refused to acknowledge him.

  “Lex, I know you want to leave and Trish is probably already on her way, but please let me apologize before you walk out the door.” I still didn’t look at him. When he spoke next his words were a velvety soft whisper. “I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you, Lex. It wasn’t because of you. I was angry with myself, and I still am. I can’t believe I actually had the nerve to take you on the floor in the fucking hallway,” he spit out harshly.

  I looked at him then. “I wanted it on the floor. I needed it on the floor. I didn’t care where Ryan, but that pales in comparison to the fact that you hurt me and didn’t even the decency to make sure I was okay.”

  His face looked pained. “I hurt you?” he asked in a choked whisper.

  I was surprised that he hadn’t even realized it. “Yes, Ryan, it hurt; only at first and not too bad, but enough that I was uncomfortable. You were so intent on finishing that you never even noticed.” I shook my head. “You know, it wasn’t even that. I can understand getting carried away, but the way you spoke to me afterward was cruel. I felt like a child getting scolded for wanting you.”

  Ryan unexpectedly dropped to his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands.

  “Lex, I’m sorry. I just wanted you so bad. I’m so, so sorry. I was also furious at myself for not using protection with you. I don’t even know if you’re on birth control, but it was my responsibility to protect you and I didn’t. I want kids someday, but not right now. I took it out on you.” He paused. “Sweetheart, please forgive me, it’ll never happen again. I promise I’ll make it up to you no matter how long it takes,” he pleaded desperately.

  Well the “not wanting kids right now” part didn’t make me happy. What about Layla? Didn’t he realize the package he ordered came with the gift of a beautiful little princess? One guaranteed to be wrapped in pink, with a bow on top!

  He caught my chin and turned me to face him. “Lex, I know you’re pissed and probably never want to see me again, but I can’t let you leave without you knowing that I’m in love with you. I know what you’re thinking. I wasn’t including Layla in that statement about kids. I just meant that if we have kids eventually, I’d like to be further along in my career by then. Please forgive me.”

  Oh. My. God. I was staring at him, but not actually seeing him. This was way too much to take in all at once. He put a hand to the side of my face and gave me a light kiss, “Lex, I love you.” I closed my eyes trying to force the tears away.

  “What?” I managed to croak out. “I love you, Lex. I’ll understand if you don’t say it back, but I’ll wait because I know you care for me.”

  He was right, I did care for him; more than just cared, but did I love him? Every time I started to think I did, I’d force myself to think of something else. If I do love him, should I tell him? What would he do with the leftover pieces of my heart that were all I had left to give a man? He hurt me once, but compared to what Landyn did, this was nothing. I didn’t think Ryan could hurt me as bad as Landyn did, but I wasn’t the best judge of character.

  Ryan was different that’s for sure. Not better, not worse, just different.

  Very different.

  What about Layla? They’d never even met! What if Ryan couldn’t handle helping raise a child who wasn’t his? I was going to freak out!

  “Lex, snap out of it,” Ryan said while simultaneously snapping his fingers in front of my face to catch my attention. “It’ll be ok. I’ll wait. I still need to prove that I won’t hurt you, I know that. I still
need to meet your little girl, I know that too. Just please stop doubting me, Lex. I’m going to take care of us.”

  At that precise moment, I heard tires screech in the background.

  Not a minute later, banging started again at the front door. Oh no, not this shit again!

  “Open up asshole! If Lex is not out in five seconds I’m breaking in a window! Open the door!” Then the countdown started, “Five… four… three…” Well then, it would seem Trish has arrived. Fantastic. Now how was I going to get poor Ryan out of this predicament without bloodshed? I sighed out loud.

  Trish was now at “One point two-five!” so Ryan spoke fast, “Don’t leave Lex, please. Tell Trish to come inside. She can help us eat what the pizza boy nearly lost a hand for delivering. I actually told the poor kid if he lifted his hand one more time I was going to cut it off.” I snorted at that. “See, you’re rubbing off on me,” he said sounding resigned to a lifetime of living with my sarcasm.

  “So it would seem.” I responded quietly before adding, “And just so you know, I have an IUD. I can’t get pregnant until I have it taken out.” I gave him a swift, wet kiss, and then rushed to go put out the fire at the front door.

  So, after yet another dramatic turning point, for the past two years Ryan and I moved forward with our lives together. When Layla and Ryan finally met, they really hit it off. Granted, my little princess got along with anyone that met all her demands, and she was so darn precious that people would move planets to make her happy.

  Layla was included in nearly all of our dates. We went to the movies, the zoo and dinner together regularly, but I never let Ryan take Layla anywhere without me. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Ryan. Layla was just the most important thing in my life and if, God forbid, anything were to happen to my princess, I wanted it to happen when I was there. They still had a great relationship. I was happy.

  We encountered no more major hiccups; minor hiccups, yes, major hiccups, no. One was Ryan’s temper. I knew his work was stressful and sometimes he took his bad days out on me, but he never took them out on Layla and he always made up for it. Sometimes he just said things he didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. I’d just roll my eyes and ignore him.

  Ryan also tried to spoil us. He tried to give me money or buy groceries, or buy Layla expensive toys, but I refused to let him unless it was for something special. I had become dependent on someone emotionally once before and the last thing I wanted was to become dependent on Ryan financially. Since becoming partner at Simon, Gregor & Stevenson Accounting he made a killing, but I wanted to earn everything for myself and my baby girl.

  I made just enough money to pay my share of the rent and utilities, my awesome, used, red, four-door, 4x4 Ford F150, and anything the princess needed or wanted. I rarely bought anything for myself unless absolutely necessary. Not that I minded, buying things for Layla and receiving a smile brighter than the sun was like Christmas for me.

  Another minor hiccup, on the verge of being major, was the fact that Ryan never spent the night and it was not for lack of trying. Our sex life was fantastic and always passionate, but it only happened at his place. It was frustrating spending nights apart, but surprisingly, Trish was the one who put her foot down.

  Yes, we’re still roomies.

  Trish would always say it wasn’t appropriate for Layla to see us sleeping and waking up together until Ryan and I were engaged, or at least living together. I had to admit she was right. Miss Promiscuous Aunt T was right. Ryan fussed at first, but it died down quickly. I stayed at his place every chance I could.

  Our relationship was wonderful. It was simple, it was easy and it worked.

  I loved him.

  Chapter Two

  Present

  As soon as the graduation ceremony was over I went in search of everyone. When I hit the steps outside the arena I heard Trish shout, “Hey bitch!” from somewhere down below. I looked and found Trish, Mom, Dad, Layla and Ryan standing at the bottom of the steps. Ryan was flashing the dimple and Princess was sitting on his shoulders waving. I could feel the tears coming.

  I jogged down the stairs chanting “it’s over, it’s over, it’s over!” and ran straight up to my man and baby girl who was now five years old.

  I gave Ryan a soft kiss on the lips. “Congratulations sweetheart,” he said in my favorite velvety voice and I smiled at him.

  “Mommy, can we go eat now? I’m hungry!” Layla called out. I looked up at my beautiful, black haired, eyes now as amber as a lioness, little princess. She was dressed head-to-toe in a pink outfit that included a hot pink flowered headband and a matching ruffled, belted dress that read “Mommy Rocks” topped off with pink lip gloss and pink cowgirl boots. My heart fluttered at her beauty.

  “You better bend down here and give Mama some sugar before I pass out from diabetic shock.”

  She gave me a huge smile. “Mama, you always says that, silly.” She immediately bent over and gave me a big, wet, sloppy smack on the mouth while I squeezed her still chunky cheeks.

  “Hey, you may be my little princess, but you’ll always be my baby.”

  “Love you Mama,” she said happily.

  “How much?” I asked her.

  She opened her arms wide and said “This much!”

  I laughed and said, “I love you more than the whole wide world baby.”

  I squeezed her little foot and turned to my parents; both were teary eyed. I walked to them and gave them a huddle hug. “I love you, honey, I’m so proud of you.” Dad was choked up.

  “I knew you could do it. We love you so much,” Mom said.

  I was overwhelmed with emotion.

  “Thank you both for everything. If it weren’t for you… I just… I wouldn’t…” I was blubbering now.

  “Sweetheart, this is supposed to be a happy moment. Let’s all stop crying, ok?” Dad said. Ryan started rubbing my back.

  “Yeah, come on, I’m starving!” Layla called out impatiently.

  “Hey bitch! Are you going to give me a hug or what?” Trish asked.

  “Trish, one day I’m going to wash that mouth out with soap,” Mom said angrily. Then she turned to face me. “You too missy!”

  “Well, I’ll let you Mrs. Martine, right after Lex gives me a fucking hug. I think I earned it.” I turned to see that Trish was crying too. Oh man! Trish didn’t cry often, but when she did it made my heart ache. “Trish, I love you!” I told her and threw my arms around her neck.

  After a minute, she pushed me back slightly. “Alright, alright, let’s go. Princess is starving and princesses should never starve.”

  I started wiping at my cheeks. “Mama, can I ride with Aunt T? She says she might put the top down,” Layla asked.

  “Layla, you go with your mom now and ride back home with me after, okay? I just need to stop by Anne’s to pick up the cake,” Trish said.

  “Okay!” Layla replied excitedly.

  “See y’all in a little bit,” Trish waved, turned and walked away.

  Ryan set Layla down; she ran to me and grabbed my hand. “Sweetheart, are you ready to go?” Ryan asked.

  I turned to my parents, “Meet you guys at the restaurant?” “Sure, honey,” Dad responded.

  When they walked away, Ryan grabbed my other hand. “I’m so happy for you, Lex. I love you.” “I love you too, Ry.”

  Chapter Three

  It was in the parking lot when it happened.

  I couldn’t move. Please let me be imagining things. Please, please, please just let me be dehydrated and hallucinating. Life couldn’t possibly be so evil, could it? Ryan was fumbling with his keys in his pocket, but he stopped when he realized he left me behind. I was carrying Layla now.

  “Sweetheart, are you alright? You don’t look so good.” Ryan asked, but I couldn’t speak. There were no words. I was carrying Layla!

  What if she… no, no, no, she’s too stupid! She would never put two and two together, would she?

  Ugh!

  Why the hell is she he
aded our way? She wouldn’t dare say one word to me, right? As soon as I asked myself that question I heard a high-pitched happy voice call “Ryan?”

  What the Fu…?

  My eyes swung to look at Ryan who was now facing the Bitch-From-Hell that nearly ruined my life! “Hey Dest, how are you?” Ryan asked then wrapped an arm around her shoulder to give her a half hug. I gasped out loud. I literally had to suck air into my mouth to breathe.

  Are you fucking shitting me?

  Ryan turned back to me and his arm dropped away from “Dest.”

  “Lex, what’s the matter with you? You’re worrying me,” Ryan sounded genuinely concerned. I didn’t even look his way. I’d deal with his ass later. I couldn’t do anything, but stare at “Dest.”

  When she saw me she grinned. “Hey Alexis, long time, no see, huh?”

  Oh no she didn’t! What a bitch! I wanted to pound her face in, but I couldn’t! I forced myself to bite my tongue.

  “You two know each other?” Ryan asked curiously looking between us. Hell-to-the-yes I know her! The Bitch!

  I continued to ignore him. What could I say? I had Layla in my arms and the last thing I wanted was for Destiny to see her. Luckily she hadn’t even glanced at Layla.

  “Mama, who’s that?” Layla asked. “Her voice sounds funny,” she added in her five year old version of quietly. Gotta love kids’ brutal honesty.

  When a frown appeared on Destiny’s face and her eyes quickly switched over to Layla, I knew she heard her. Oh man. I tried to turn my body in an effort to conceal my little girl who was the spitting image of Landyn, but it didn’t matter.

  Layla and her pink frufru outfit stood out like a sore thumb. Not to mention she was already tall for her age, just like her daddy. When Destiny’s head tilted to the side I knew she was studying her; hard. I felt sick to my stomach.

  “Hey Dest,” Ryan called, breaking into my thoughts. “Tell Anthony I said ‘Hi,’ alright? Lex and I really need to be somewhere right now.” When Ryan spoke Destiny didn’t look at him.

  Her eyes hit mine. “Sure Ryan, I’ll tell him,” she responded and in the blink of an eye, her frown turned into a smirk; an evil, catty little smirk. Then she turned on her heel and flounced away.